When planning a wedding, few relationships are more tender, or more tested, than that between a bride-to-be and her mother. Emotions run high, memories surface, and suddenly, a seating chart becomes a battlefield. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
“It’s completely natural for mothers to feel deeply invested,” says Onwaba Gonyora, Director at premium, award-winning wedding destination, Brahman Hills. “They’ve waited for this day too, and often bring a lifetime of dreams to the planning process. The key is balancing that emotion with clear boundaries and meaningful inclusion.”
Gonyora adds that after helping brides plan their perfect day for more than two decades, she’s seen her fair share of conflict, and she believes that the first step to avoiding it is acknowledging that it can happen to you. “No one is exempt,” she says. “Even the closest relationships can be turned upside down by the emotional weight of wedding planning.” That’s why she believes it’s essential to be deliberate from the very beginning and offers four heartfelt and practical ways to honour your mom without making the day feel like it’s hers to control.
1. Be Empathetic: Understand Where She’s Coming From
Your mom isn’t trying to hijack your wedding. She’s showing love in the way she knows best. Behind most opinions is a desire to be helpful. When you approach her with empathy instead of resistance, you create space for honest conversations instead of emotional power struggles.
Try this: When she voices a strong opinion, ask her why it matters to her. You may uncover something deeper than a colour palette.
2. Include Her in Ways that Count
Not every decision needs to be a group effort, but some can be a shared joy. Think of meaningful ways your mom can be included, not just during the planning phase, but on the wedding day too. And remember, you don’t have to stick to tradition. When inclusion is intentional and personal, it becomes a gesture of love, not a compromise.
Try this: Consider ditching the idea of a ring bearer and ask your mom to hand the rings to each of you. Or have her do a reading, hand you your bouquet, or lead a toast at the reception. Leading up to the wedding, invite her to your dress fitting or ask for her help choosing a family heirloom to wear.
3. Assign Her a Role She Can Own
Moms love to feel useful, but that doesn’t mean they need to weigh in on every detail. Instead, empower her with a clearly defined role that plays to her strengths and adds genuine value.
Try this: Put her in charge of one meaningful area, like managing RSVP follow-ups, hosting a bridal party brunch or assembling wedding favours. She’ll feel trusted and included, and you’ll gain some much-needed breathing room.
4. Make Her Feel Loved, Not Just Involved
More than tasks or decisions, your mom wants to feel valued.
Try this: Write her a card on the morning of your wedding. Steal a quiet moment to say thank you. Weddings aren’t just about logistics. They’re about connection.
The Bottom line? Lead with love!
“You can honour your mom without surrendering your wedding. You can protect your peace without causing unnecessary pain. At Brahman Hills, we see this balance play out in real time and when it’s done right, it creates unforgettable moments for both the bride and her mother,” Gonyora concludes.
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